What Teens Really Need

Yesterday, I was told a story about two very great kids we know, a young man and women, who were caught in the library making out. I chuckled at the story...who knows if it is even true.  Both, age16, come form great homes and are homeschooled.  Again I just chuckle...not because I am laughing at the indiscretion or making fun in the least, it's just funny how we homeschool moms think that homeschooling will somehow insulate our teens from the normal processes of growing up.  I was kind of laughing at myself, knowing that in some sense the way I have chosen to parent could leave me vulnerable to such gossip.  It could happen to any of us.

And what if it does?!
Will the world come to an end?
Will all our efforts have been for nothing?

These fears reflect a very deep rooted heart condition, a condition that is hard to admit and face.  To face these fears is not simple, it requires true inquiry and reflection, and a willingness to be undone.

To be undone is a work of humility.

It's crazy that we even wrestle with these fears...the very fact that I am alive and well and striving to live a life before God is proof that indiscretions do not ruin teenagers...I had plenty, and I survived. I was a good girl, but I made out with my husband before I married him.  My teenage girls know this, we have talked about love and sexuality and attraction and marriage...I have shared my heart with them and also my experiences, letting modesty and discretion be my guide. I do not glorify sin...but I do not see sin in everything...and this is what teens need.

Teens need real.
Teens need mercy.
Teens need relationship.
Teens need lots of conversation.
Teens need fun.
Teens need trust.
Teens need firm convictions.
Teens need unconditional love.
Teens need prayer.

Parenting with fear seems to be the norm these days, and I am guilty at times.  This culture has turned structures upside down, and it is scary...very scary.  Sometimes I watch my teens and I think; this is all they know, this culture is all they know.  Reality is that we are a part of this culture, and we will either cower in fear or face it head on, and the struggle will not leave us unscathed whichever path we choose.  There will be indiscretions...every generation has had indiscretions.

Parenting teens brings me to my knees.  In prayer I know that I must resist the urge to bolt from my heart and rule with an iron fist of fear.  In His hands, and living in His presence will see us through, for Love conquers all.  Love is the opposite of fear.

Perfect love casts out fear.  1 John 4:18    

How to Not Be Empty

Beware of the barrenness of a busy life. -Socrates

I really don't know when I got it in my head that I desperately needed to outsource in our homeschool to be successful.  After Samuel was born I think I was determined not to let another baby hold my older children back from their goals (my goals is more like it). It was a great plan, so I thought... just let someone else teach them, hold them accountable.

What followed was a year of schooling outside the home, in co-ops and online.  How I reasoned that packing this gang of five up in a car and traveling an hour one way was an easier way to educate my upper level students is kinda foggy...but I do vaguely remember my husband warning me, counseling me, shaking his head at me.

At first we were cooking with gas...getting lots of educational stuff done, making friends, going to fun activities, and in general just enjoying the new day to day.  We were busy, and in the beginning that felt as if we were thriving.  However, after a little while I noticed that our lives were becoming less and less centered at home. My cooking became weird, our prayers too sparse, everyone was going in different directions, the littles were being cared for but not cared for, I was growing more and more discontent, and in general just feeling disconnected with myself and my family, especially my husband.

And then a few weeks ago I hit a wall, circumstances collided and my choices became clear...all that is left now is to correct course.  My mom commented, "Mandy, thank goodness you have things you can cut without hurting anyone...the activity and busyness of your life can be easily remedied."  Her comments are those of a woman who knows what it is like to have responsibilities that cannot be remedied.

The ability to correct busyness is a blessing, almost like a gift, and I am very grateful for the freedom to choose the life I desire and need.

I see now that my outsourcing was about fear and pride...it was me believing that our home life was not enough...that I was not enough.  Ironically, it is the outsourcing that is causing a true emptiness, an exhaustion and distraction that makes me unavailable. It also refocuses our life on things that are not bad in themselves, but result in a deep and true distraction nonetheless.

So, here is my remedy for emptiness...how to not be empty...Go Home!

Women leave home for many reasons, and I only judge myself, we all have stories.   Sometimes home seems the most empty place on earth and outsourcing presents itself as a remedy, and for some this may be true.  However, for me my home is a fountain of grace, a constant outlet of energy, and a nourishing refuge.  Home is my remedy for emptiness, my journey has taught me this.

Homeschool Convention

I am going to the Texas Homeschool Convention with my sweet sister-in -law.  I have not gone to one in a couple of years, but this convention has a lineup of seminars that interest me...they are practical and informative.  I am especially interested in the seminars on high school transcripts/portfolios/scholarship applications.  I am also looking forward to introducing my SIL to the wonderful world of homeschool books and curriculum.  She and my brother are planning to homeschool their children.  Emmelia, their daughter, is my godchild. They are expecting baby number two, and I am super excited! 

Math Facts Boot Camp

The strategies I learned as an assistant in a math rehabilitation classroom in an alternative school years ago are strategies that I use to this day.

I believe wholeheartedly in learning the basic math facts.  I believe in drill!  Drill for the skill!

My third grade student is in my math boot camp this year.  If all we accomplish this year is learning the basic math facts and learning them with speed and confidence, I am very confident that this foundation will ensure success for future abstract skills.  

If your student is struggling with math, if they falsely believe that they are "bad" at math, it could be that math facts drill is just what they need to regain a sense of accomplishment and confidence.

Below is a list of where to start...this is how I progress through the basic facts of addition and subtraction.  In a later post I will share some great tricks to learn the multiplication and division facts quickly and with a bit of fun!  

Addition

•  doubles ( 1+1, 2+ 2, 3 + 3, 4+ 4, 5 + 5, 6 + 6, 7 + 7, 8 + 8, 9 + 9)
• doubles plus 1: Child uses what they know about doubles and adds 1... sounds like 8 + 9 is the same as 8 + 8 +1 which is 9
• doubles minus 1: Child uses what they know about doubles and subtracts 1...sounds like 8 + 7 is the same as 8 + 8 -1
• number plus 1 or plus two ( 5 + 1, 4 + 2)
• number plus or minus zero (5 + 0, 6 + 0)
• commutative property (3 + 2 = 2 + 3) 
• ten combinations ( 5 + 5, 6 + 4, 7 + 3, 8 + 2, 9 + 1)
• ten plus a number (10 + 4, 10 + 7)

Subtraction

One great way to teach mastery in subtraction is to teach it in relation to addition.  For example, once the student knows (or maybe you are using this method to teach addition as well) that 8+2=10 you can easily introduce fact families.  You might say, "We will use these same numbers (10, 8, and 2) to memorize 10-8 and 10-2. 10, 8, and 2 are a fact family...and they stick together.  10-8...who is missing?  Well, it's two of course!  10-8 is 2!"  

Most fact families of 3 make 4 facts. Example:

  

8+2=10

2+8=10

10-2=8

10-8=2

0's can be tricky. Example:

7+0=7

0+7=7

7-0=7

7-7=0

Doubles make 2. Example:

2+2=4

4-2=2

A creative way to make your own set of fact family flash cards is to pick up the paint sample cards at a home improvement store that have four colors.  Write each fact from the fact family on the 4 different colors.  If you were to make all the fact families from 1 to 18 in this way that would mean you would need about 100 paint samples.

Fact family paint sample flash cards can also be used for multiplication and division facts.

No time spent learning these basic skills is ever wasted.  It can be fun, and it definitely improves a child's attitude when they know their stuff! 

Here are  a few helpful resources I have found.

Green Monster Learning

Columbia.k12

Mastering the Basic Math Facts

Math-Aids.com

    

January Preschool

  Snowflake Bentley

Make coffee filter snowflakes.

 Make a snowflake from Borax.

View Caltech’s snowflake gallery.

Learn the snowflake song by Jean Warren.

Cotton-Ball counting.

The Quiltmaker's Gift  

Have a tea party and serve Blueberry muffins and Ceylon tea.

Make bird feeder pine cones.

Learn the Seven Continents song.

Make a paper patch quilt and practice shape recognition.

Learn the meanings of the words: greedy and generosity.

Stone Soup

Cut and glue vegetables from magazines onto a cut out soup pot.  

Practice the names of vegetables.  

Help make a pot of soup with mommy.  

Play which onion is bigger.  

Practice setting the table properly.

Field Trip Ideas: Ice Skating, Quilt Shop, Kitchen Store

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Daily Docket

Special Day- Birthday, Name day, Feast day, Holiday, Saint.

Pace- What speed do I have to go today?  Do I really need to be running like a hare, or can I take it slow like a turtle?  Knowing the pace of the day is good for me.

Priorities- What are the top 5 things I have to get done today?  Did Slade ask me to do something for him?  Do we have appointments?  Do I need to pay a bill or make a phone call?

Parenting- A mommy focus for the day.  A special lunch for Elinor.  A walk with Sophia. Be patient and speak softly today.  Play airplane with Sam.  Talk with Addy late tonight.  Practice piano with Caroline.

Partner- Something sweet, something small, something kind, something for Slade.

The Plan- A skeleton for the day...when I will do what's on the docket.

Daily Readings- One sentence that captures something inspirational from my readings.

Prayers- Just a reminder, a little circle to remind me to make prayer a priority.

Pantry to Pot- Start dinner at breakfast.  Make meal times intentional and nutritious.

Project- If I have time what is one project I can tackle today?

Professor- What are the school goals for today?

  Water- Remember to stay hydrated.

Feeling Better

Over the Christmas holiday I have been as sick as I can remember.  Samuel , sadly, has been just as bad and even worse.  We had a virus run through the house, but it hit Samuel and I the hardest.  After one trip to the doctor, two trips to the urgent care, three different antibiotics for secondary infections, and every home remedy we could throw at this bug we are finally feeling a bit like our normal selves.   I am still fighting an ear infection, but it seems to be healing slowly. 

Somewhere around day five of this quarantine I began to relax, and then it hit me.  Maybe my lack of rest in general is why my body is not recovering like the others.  Sam and I have not slept well in months and months...and I think it just finally caught up with us. When I gave in and just let things be what they were going to be I began to see the tight knot that is wound up inside of me.  I am just plain tired, but the adrenaline I am addicted to that makes it possible for me to function is hard to resist.

And when Mamas get this run down we must resist adrenaline.
We must stop pushing through and rest.

Resting has been very good, and I have been eating nourishing food, sleeping late, and going very slow.  This has given me much time to think about my health.  I have also had plenty of time to sit and contemplate ways to better care for myself and my family.

When I look ahead at 2015 I can see some major projects, possibly a move, a heavy work load, and schedule.  And all these things are good.  However, I can also see that my inward state needs some nurturing if I am going to enjoy health and happiness this year.  I need better strategies to help me not feel so overwhelmed.

Here are a few things I am going to try...

Leaving Facebook

One giant step toward health for me is the choice to leave social media, Facebook in particular.  I once left Facebook for seven years, and I did much better with my inner life.  It has taken me a while to understand why I have this love/hate relationship with it.  It is not that Facebook is evil or wrong or anything like that.  I love the interaction and the keeping up with friends and family.  For me it is neurological. Something about the format makes me nervous...the scrolling and how my eyes jump from one thing to the next.  The amount of information is too much for me.  And once I start on this feast of information I get bogged down in it, and I spend way too much time on this site.  I know, I know, I could be more mature and set limits and all that...but I don't.  I think the site's design (the actual layout, advertisements, colors, lines, etc.) is very addictive for me.

Redefining my morning routine  

For a year I have been very angry that I cannot have the solitude that I think I need in the mornings. During this illness I came to terms with this and had a sort of funeral for my mornings in my mind...I must let that go and get into the groove of my baby.  That means I will have a new morning routine.  Instead of books and coffee and even lengthy prayers I am going to enjoy Sam.  A friend who had six kids  (I only had three at the time) told me that someday my mornings would be different...she was right.  She told me that she prayed a morning offering prayer before her feet ever hit the ground, and that was the foundation for her day.  She too was a lover of contemplation and books and coffee.  However, her life demanded that she take advantage of her mornings in a different way.  I am going to follow my friend and quiet my soul in this area.  I holler calf-rope, and it feels so good.

Revisiting my menu planning

My grocery budget is insane.  I know that food is expensive, but I could do better in this area.  My menus need to be simplified.  I have a five week menu cycle that I made when I had three kids, none of which ate like adults.  With two teenagers in the house and a tween that eats as much as her sisters, it is time to remake my menus to be more frugal.  What I spend on groceries stresses me, and it should...it's too much!  I know my lack of planning and organization is the major problem.  Some ideas I have are to make double batches of soups, beans, casseroles, etc. and freeze them.  Also, I need to take advantage of sales and stock up on things we use more often.  Another strategy I have is to grocery shop early Saturday morning when the stores are quiet.  This one change would greatly reduce my stress in this area, and allow me to focus.

Refocusing our homeschool 

I have been in serous homeschool burn out mode this year.  It just feels so tedious and overwhelming.  And the truth is, it is!  Homeschooling this many kids, all at different ages and stages is a hard work.  But, it is my work...it is what I am called to do.  Through the prayers of the Panagia and Righteous Anna I am strengthened...  I do not labor alone or in vain.  I am reorganizing the school room, refreshing books, and working toward a more peaceful atmosphere.

Vespers on Wednesday nights

I would love to have this time of prayer on a weekly basis, but the long drive to the Hermitage or our Parish might makes this unrealistic.  For now I want to attempt once a month.

I told Slade today that the illness during Christmas was a blessing.  It forced me to stop...stop everything and really listen, really see.  I am thankful that we are all on the mend and that the new year has come.  What goals or resolutions do you have for the New Year?  I hope you are feeling the peace of Christ this season and the joy of His abiding love.  He is always with us.

Happy New Year friends!  

Christmas Gifts for a Homeschool Mom

The average "gifts for mom" list is not necessarily a good fit for a homeschool mom.  Don't get me wrong...I love perfume and scarves and expensive handbags just like the average girl, but if you really want the wow factor for this homeschool mom of five I have a better list.  Maybe you can forward this post to your hubby or whoever is asking you that pressing question, "What do you want for Christmas?"  I hope this list will inspire you to answer with every bit of the quirkiness that defines a homeschool mom.  

Just a bit fun...happy shopping everyone.

The Best Crock Pot on the Market

My large crock pot has a hairline crack in the removable porcelain crock.  I am afraid to do too much in it, and I am for sure not transporting it anywhere.  Crock pots are a homeschool mom's best friend in the kitchen.  We can start dinner at breakfast and as the house is permeated with the smell of lemony chicken it is so reassuring to know supper is on. 

 An Amazing Coffee Pot

My coffee pot is trying to peter out on me...and that just cannot happen.  I currently have to jiggle the cord to get the green power light to appear.  I wait every morning in suspense...it's just too stressful.

 A Large Utility Tote from Thirty One

This is such a great gift for a homeschool mom.  This tote can be used for picnics, as a library tote, camping, day trips, etc.  One use I would like it for is to stock my car with a mommy survival kit.

A Prime Account from Amazon

I already have this gift, but I had to include it.  Free Shipping for books!  Are you kidding...this is a homeschool mom's dream!    

 A Laminator

This gift is over the top.  The one I want is a little pricey, but oh so cool.  I would love it to make dry erase activities for my littles, flashcards specific to the things we are learning, saving works of art...the possibilities are endless.  

 Wireless Color Inkjet Printer with Scanner and Copier

What a tongue twister...but never mind that.  This little beauty makes the homeschool day to day much easier.  The copier is a godsend. 

 A Comb Binding Machine

This is so dreamy...now I can spend my summer making the kind of workbooks we love...suited just for us.  I would trill with delight if I opened this gift.

And for the stocking... 

 Livescribe Notebook by Moleskine

I love the feel, the smell, and the size of the Moleskine notebooks.  It is very inspirational to write in something of this quality.  Keeping a daily journal is a great way that homeschool moms can unwind and reflect.  

 Free Time Coupons 

This could come in the form of a coupon booklet if you would like something to unwrap.  It's easy to make them on the computer or just make them with colored pencils and crayons.  12 would be perfect...12 Free Time coupons that I can spend...like say once a month.  It is nice to have time alone sometimes.  

Sharpies 

Yes...I said Sharpies.  I love to have those around, but I am always too cheap to buy them for myself.  I want a big set...just love office supplies.

  

Happy Children

Happy is he who still loves something he loved in the nursery: He is not broken in two by time; he is not two men, but one, and he has saved not only his soul, but his life." G.K. Chesterton

Babies First

I sort of have two sets of kiddos...I like to call them my Bigs and Littles.  Between daughter number two and daughter number three there is 4 1/2 years.  Sophia is 4 years younger than her closest older sister and 4 years older than her little sister.  She is sort of too young and too old all at the same time.  She is Sophie in the middle. More on that later.  Most of the time I put Sophia in the Littles category...she is 8 years old.  But, I suspect that this year things will change.  3rd grade is a transitional year.  That leaves Elinor 4, and Samuel 1.  My babies.  Technically Elinor is a blossoming toddler, approaching 5, but she is still little in the sense that she needs and loves lots of attention from mommy.

And that brings me to the dilemma,or problem of this post...

Mommy's attention, a commodity supplied to meet the needs and wants of the family.  A mom of many must have expert skills in commodity logistics.  She must learn how to distribute her attention well which encompasses a skill set that includes: time management, prioritizing, and conviction.

As I had more children I began to feel the pull and tug on my attention, and it irritated me... you know, those prickly moments when one thing has to be abandoned to meet the need or want of a baby.  I guess this is a growing stage for mothers, learning how to let go of self-direction and will and softening to the self giving style that characterizes all good mothers. Something inside of my mommy heart began to feel guilty when I dismissed a cry or arms up waiting to be scooped up. I quickly submitted to the reality of motherhood...babies are demanding and they deserve my full attention. I say no plenty, but it is not my style.  My style with babies is...yes!

When I step back and look at the very nature of child development it seems that babies deserve the most attention simply because they demand the most attention.  This is the natural way. This can only be accomplished in large families if I also follow the natural development of my older children.  I must let go of control and allow for independence.  Letting go of my older children is difficult for me...I know now it has everything to do with letting them grow up...I don't want them to grow up so fast...it goes by so fast.

Dealing with my emotions as a mother is essential if I am to be a healthy mamma to ALL my kiddos.  So for me putting babies first is possible only if I accept the natural development and growth of a family.  In a way motherhood is a long goodbye.  I am ultimately raising children to be adults.  Letting my older kids be more independent, and trusting what I have already put into them is essential for the health of the family.

There are other instances where babies interrupt the practical goings on of a household.  Like how they always want you when you have plans to tackle the laundry pile on your bed, or the mountain of dishes in the sink, or the weedy flowerbeds.  Babies make me look very deeply at what I value and what it means to be human.  We are all dependent on each other, no human can survive alone.  Babies are so vulnerable, and they personify in a very dramatic way how vulnerable we all are.  Babies teach me the delicate balance between the unseen and seen world.  Yes, the physical needs of a child must be met, but not at the expense of the heart.  Finding this balance is what motherhood is all about.  We are caretakers of the highest order.

The decisions I make in the way I homeschool must include the babies...and not just putting them on the block schedule and fitting them in.  No, babies come first...because they demand it.  Because they need my full attention.  Because my heart tells me that the kind of human being this baby will become is deeply connected to how I respond in all the little moments of interruption.  
  

Getting the Bones Right

Bones. Without them we would be a useless heap on the ground.  We would get nowhere fast.  Our bones are the structure and foundation of a body in motion.

And using that metaphor I would say the same thing about the homeschool lifestyle.  Without bones our days begin to feel like a useless heap of nothing.  We suffer from a lack of healthy structure and because of this we just spin our wheels.  After a while guilt sets in, then irritability, then panic, then burnout.  The only way I have found to avoid burnout and to live a healthy and happy life is to always make sure we are...getting the bones right.  This job is never completed, it is the joyous repetition of a life built one moment at a time...one day at a time.  What is done today has to be repeated tomorrow, and through the habit of good living we find true fulfillment and happiness.  And the homeschool lifestyle makes this process so easy...it is the main reason I have continued to homeschool all these years.  I love the lifestyle it affords.

When I find myself in any of the various burnout stages I listed above, it may take me awhile, but eventually I begin again.  I recommit to bone health, and before I know it things are running smoothly. (As smooth as things can in a household of seven.) As I begin the very fulfilling process of building healthy bones I have a few principles I try to follow.  They are simple, but they are the most important for me as I work because I could very easily succumb to idol fashioning and perfectionism.  And those two things give the appearance of health and happiness, but in reality they produce the exact opposites...anxiety, stress, covetousness, envy, and strife.  It is a real temptation when things on the homeschool front feel completely out of control and chaotic, to go at our lives in a frenzied panic and try the fix everything. This is not what I am speaking of when I say I begin again, and the principles I follow ensure that I keep my true desires, which are health and happiness, as my goal.  They are:

• Do not try to be someone I am not.
• Accept the family personality and natural environment of our home.
• Lower my expectations...less is more. 

These three principles were hard fought...it has taken me years to know and accept.  I still struggle, but at least now I know what my true enemies are, and they do not include schedules, curriculum, or the lack thereof.  As I look at each of these principles I am filled with a wisdom that only personal struggle could produce, and I know I still have so much to learn and work out in my own heart.  However, the principles are full of potential and they bring a sense of freedom into my life that can only be characterized as JOY!

When I accept that I do not have to be scared, when I open my arms to the gladsome lights and let the sun set in my heart, I do not fear the dark..the unknown.  Because the sun rises in the east, and our days are redeemed because of the resurrection...every morning is a new PASCHA!  We live Pascha everyday in our hearts...every day is full of life generating potential.

So how can I refocus and let the principles guide me?  Before I begin any real work it is essential for me to center my heart on the principles...then the work is fun and easy!

Do not try to be someone I am not.  The first word that warrants considering in that sentence is try.  I can try to be someone else, thinking I am the real problem in the home...my tendencies, my weaknesses, my personality, my expectations, my interests, they ALL have to change.  I can try to change the core of who I am, but I will fail.  And this trying will be like beating my head against a brick wall until it is bloody.

Know thyself, accept thyself, better thyself.
A few things I know and accept about myself.
-I work good under deadlines.
-I need time outside of the home on a weekly basis to interact with people.
-I am not a rule person.
-I do not enjoy schedules, but prefer routines.
-I am slow and contemplative in the morning.
-I like to get up before everyone else is awake.

Accept the personality of my family and the natural environment of the home.
The same guiding principle can be applied to the family.  It is fruitless to try and make my family be something we are not, or to fashion the home environment in a way that does not speak to the core of our family style.  When I try it is a bit like herding cats.  However, when I settle in and find the natural rhythm and energy of our family lifestyle everyone in the home flourishes.
A few things I know about my family.
-We like good, wholesome, tasty food.
-We like to relax in the evenings with uninterrupted free time.
-We are social, but value time alone as well.
-We are not black and white rule people.
-We like to watch movies together.
-We love to be spontaneous and explore.
-Our core belief system is found in finding the middle way.  We believe that virtue is in the center of two extremes.
-We like to work together.
-We live at a slower pace...but we are steadfast and consistent.  
-Nobody in this house likes schedules...but thrive on routine.
-We get burned out and irritable if there are no groceries in the house, if the calendar gets too full, or there is too much drama in the house.

Lower my expectations...less is more.  I am not advocating mediocrity.  However, I have come to realize that the plan in my head is a plan on steroids.  In reality the plan for our family, including our homeschool day, needs to be brought down about three or four notches before I try to implement any requirements or routines.  The guiding principle is...less is more.  And this cliche is popular because IT WORKS!  I would rather do small simple things with full attention and heart, than fail at big things because they were just too big!  When I consider the first two principles, my personality...my family's personality, I know that there are some things that are just TOO BIG for us.

For example:
-A 5 AM wake time...or even 6, maybe 7...8 AM is more doable.
-Scheduled school that lasts past 2 PM.
-Educational activities in the evenings.  We like to relax and do leisure activities.
-A schedule that has time blocked off in thirty minute intervals or even hourly.
-Scheduled activities in the evenings more than one or two nights a week.  Two is pushing it.
-Family read aloud.
-Seclusion.

You get the idea.  Before I begin any real work, ordering books, making plans, arranging schedules, making commitments I have to remind myself of my three guiding principles.  And I have to hold myself accountable to what I know and accept about real life in this family.  What is interesting about this exercise is that it almost eliminates fear and control.  Instead of living our lives in blocks of time, measuring success by the accomplishments of the hour, our life takes on a more fluid and peaceful feeling of being REAL.  And that feels good.

Is Technology My Friend?

I have decided to shut down this blog.  I wanted to do it without saying anything, but I thought that maybe a few of you would like to hear for me before I press delete...those who read regularly.

Two of my posts will be available at the new Illumination Learning website.  Orthodox Homeschooling I & II.  I am honored so many of you read these posts and enjoyed them.  It is my pleasure to share them with Jennifer.

The post that received the most traffic was But really, how do I do this?  I reread this fun post this morning and realized that I need to add one to the list...I do not blog...at least not right now.  I told a fellow blogging friend in an email that when my kids were older maybe I could have an inspirational blog like hers.  Her blog is one of the main reasons I decided to blog myself.  It is a wonderful space.

I have been here before.  Remember this post?  See you later, alligator.

Well, I should have went with my gut on that one.  I should have let it go.  But, I didn't.  And this is no judgement on anyone else.  Other mommy bloggers are able to manage their time better, to be moderate, and to be a wonderful resource for all of us. But for whatever reason I just cannot manage it.  And it really has to do with me not being able to be moderate.  Technology is such a temptation for me.  I am really limiting all of my internet usage.

My favorite post was A Safe Haven.  I still believe that technology can be used for good...to glorify God...and to make friends.  I have met many wonderful women because of this blog.  It has been fun!

And although I will miss sharing in this space, I feel so GOOD about this decision.  I am excited about this next school year and exploring with my kids.  I am excited about settling my brain down.


Thank you for spending time here...for commenting and sharing.  I just loved seeing a new comment in my inbox!  Hope all you home school mothers have a wonderful, relaxing summer.  I know I am going to try!

Mandy

Homeschooling: Just keep practicing.

This is the time of year that I reflect on our home school journey... I evaluate, I ponder, and I make decisions.  I think it is better to do this now... at the end of the school year... rather than wait until fall when I will be hopelessly idealistic....right now I am a realist.  The end of a school year makes realists of most homeschool families.  This year we welcomed a new little fella into our lives, and man did I have a time trying to manage all of the schoolwork, housework, and activities with the joys and concerns of an infant. However, we did manage...we made it, and it was a great year! We are very blessed.

Homeschooling is a never-ending learning experience on so many levels.  It really is a lifestyle.  That is why home school articles are so peculiar.  Among articles detailing curriculum, schedules, and methods an inquirer will also find plenty of advice on relationships, homemaking, and spirituality.  And that really is the best home school advice..the kind that gets down to the reality of home life. I have often wanted to express to new homeschooling mothers the importance of getting the bones right, then worry about the books!  I am still working on the bones...it is my daily work.

One hard lesson I have learned this year is that juggling all the balls takes practice.  I keep dropping the balls... fumbling around with awkward hands. That means I have to stop, pick them up again, and keep practicing.

Do you ever feel like you drop the ball?

It is just part of the experience.  It takes humility to keep practicing...I pray for humility.

A friend once told me that four children were manageable by her own strength, but the fifth took God's strength.  This mom has since graduated from nursing school...while homeschooling and raising five kiddos.  I am learning this lesson as I stubbornly try to manage by my own strength.

How does a mom learn to lean on God's strength?  Isn't that just an overused cliche...some pat answer we spout when no meaningful solution presents itself?

 Maybe.

However, many times this year I have been at my rope's end. And in those moments, among the chaotic emotional noise, there is also peace...it's like a deep well that I must descend.  Go deeper..dig deeper..into the peace of God.  In those moments I have a choice. I can accept my imperfection, stand before God with an honest heart, and pray, "Lord, help me."  Leaning on God's strength does not mean that He rescues me from this life..this life I chose.  No, it means that He helps me.  He just helps me.  And this co-op...this cooperation... is what homeschooling is ALL about.

In the spirit of humility we take on the task of Raising Them Right...it is hard work.  It takes strength beyond ourselves.  As I make plans for next year I feel more than ever before that I will need help.  Join me here as I take you through my process...maybe we can inspire one another, pray for one another, and encourage one another to keep practicing.  Check back for a few inspiring topics!

Would the Perfect Mother Please Stand Up?

Getting the Bones Right

When to Call in Reinforcements

Is Technology My Friend?

Babies First

Homeschooling Tweens & Teens

Where is Sophie?  How not to forget the middle children.

The Domestic Church  

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a friend

Friendship is a very meaningful part of my life.  My introverted side loves the intimate friendship of one or two ladies, sharing our hearts, our lives.  The extroverted Mandy loves the group dynamic. I love to laugh, hang out, and enjoy a robust loud conversation.  I am pretty balanced, enjoying both kinds of interaction.  However, here lately, I have found it difficult to connect in either way.  I suppose it is because we are all so busy that we do not have time to spend on friendship, our families and personal lives are hard to handle as it is.

Friendships take nurturing, and nurturing takes time...time most of us do not have.  Or do we?  I think maybe we choose the wrong things, things that do not fulfill us.  Like how we choose to sit in our living rooms watching TV instead of inviting a friend or two for dinner.  Or how I skip the phone call in favor of one more load of laundry.  Some of the things that take my time are necessary, there is nothing I can do about work schedules and church commitments and school obligations.  But, my discretionary time says a lot about who I am.  I say, "I do not have discretionary time."  Today I am saying, "Hogwash. I don't believe that."

Anthony the Great, the Father of Monks said, "Our life and our death is with our neighbor. If we gain our brother, we have gained God, but if we scandalize our brother, we have sinned against Christ."

What does that mean for a housewife and mother of five?  Well I have always believed that love begins in the home.  I am not a mother who runs about being idle while neglecting my family.  However, sometimes I think a home school mother can become a bit of an isolationist...bordering on an elitist.  We have this atmosphere in our homes that we do not want interrupted or tampered with.  I will be the first one to admit that opening up our home, our life, is a challenge.  It's difficult to be accessible.  To be open, hospitable, unafraid, warm, and welcoming is a challenge for those who believe that our homes are a refuge from the evil world.

But where does that leave my neighbor?  Is my neighbor evil?

The challenge of dark days is not to despair that ALL people are bad...to not participate in the culture of mistrust and suspicion.  To be wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove.  To keep loving, to keep being a part.  And I am  a part of this world, whether I like it or not.  And this generation, and this country, and this town, and this neighborhood, and this family.  I am not separate.  

My home is not a sterile laboratory, free of contamination.  It is a scary thing if I am the best person I know.  Or my husband the best husband.  Or my kids the best kids.  That is true loneliness.  And a true hindrance to friendship.  I have to be willing to get dirty, to engage the drama, to be patient with failure, to learn that true tolerance is not about excusing sin, but bearing burdens and being willing to walk with someone, to take a long journey. Breaking the fallow ground of my heart, uprooting the weeds of intolerance is a desire I have right now.

Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of who I am chief.      

If I repent to the degree in which I truly believe that, if I authentically live that, I think I would have the relationships I need and desire.  True friendship is always a sharing of equals...I am the same...I am the chief.

It feels very good to the heart to love other people.  I have felt God's love for other people, and it is bliss.  I wish I would remember that when I am angry, or hurt, or snubbed, or misunderstood, or ignored.  I wish I would remember that when I see someone laying by the side of the road naked and sick, their sin exposed, ugly, and repulsive.  I wish I was more like Mother Teresa,

Every person is Christ for me,
and since there is only one Jesus,
that person is the one person in
the whole world at the moment.

One person in the whole world.  Do others feel that way when I am with them?  A man that hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Loving my neighbor can be a sterile act disguised by mannerly exchanges.  There is nothing much worse than being treated kindly, but held at arms length.  I have been done this way.  I have done this myself.  I have been extremely friendly to you with no intention of being your friend.  And my heart breaks at admitting that.  I want my manners and friendliness to be genuine and truthful, no guile.  I want to be trusted and relied on.  I want to be a friend.

Like my Mama used to tell me, "If you want friends, go be a good friend."

Just something I am pondering, thinking about as I begin a new year...a new opportunity to be a good friend and neighbor.

Saint Katherine of Alexandria

Today as I was reading with my 7 year old (8 in a few days) and doing some copywork I began to panic.  Is she behind?  It has only been this year that she has showed any interest in reading or writing.  Sometimes I think I have been too lax with her.  And then I watch her, and I listen to her, and I redirect my fear, and I trust.
 
She has a wisdom beyond her years, and she has a very tender heart toward God.  She is quiet and peaceful, and she has an aura about her that makes me want to be around her.  Although she is quiet she  can have a great conversation, and she asks tons of questions about the world.  

And those things count.

Today as we celebrate the Feast of Saint Katherine I am reminded that true education always enlightens the soul.  Saint Katherine loved learning, especially science and philosophy.  Yet she had a mind that was renewed by Christ, and it was this enlightening that made her orations so powerful.  She was wise, and the people who listened to her heard something this world cannot offer.  They were drawn to her knowledge, yes, but it was a knowledge full of truth, teeming with life.    

The one dimensional aspects of education are easy to teach, but wisdom comes from God.  I want to raise brilliant children, children who are enlightened with divine brilliance.  I pray that we can stifle the nonsensical chatter of this world as we live in it.  Lord help me to remember this as I educate my children.

Happy Feast Day, Mom!  We love you, and Many Years.

You led a spiritual life, and thus 

you captivated the godless tribunal, 

and you stood victorious, O Catherine, 

with dignity, decked in divine 

brilliance as if with flowers. And 

having put on the power of God, you 

ridiculed the tyrantʹs decree, and you 

stifled the nonsensical chatter of the 

orators, O holy Martyr who suffered 

much. 

  Service of Matins November 25

Saint Katherine of Alexandria as a Model for our Lives

Autumn Fires

Autumn Fires

 by Robert Louis Stevenson

In the other gardens

And all up the vale,

From the autumn bonfires

See the smoke trail!

Pleasant summer over

And all the summer flowers,

The red fire blazes,

The grey smoke towers.

Sing a song of seasons!

Something bright in all!

Flowers in the summer,

Fires in the fall! 

*We have been working on memorizing this poem, using it for copy work and dictation.

Archangel Michael Week!

I thought it might be nice to share our week with you in advance.

• Above is a little song we are learning...My Father's Angels.
• We are also going to make flower arrangements on Thursday in small Mason jars with the Asters, or Michaelmas Daises growing in my garden and place them in the icon corner.
• I am shopping today for fresh Blackberries for cobbler for Friday night. Legend has it that on the day that Archangel Michael defeated Lucifer in heaven and kicked him out, Satan fell into a Bramble bush and cursed it.
• We are telling the story of the War in Heaven.
• We are reading Saint George and the Dragon all week.
• We are also working on memorizing Psalm 23 and reading Sometimes I Get Scared.
• Having lots of conversations about fear and courage.  What is good fear?  What is bad fear?  When do we need to be courageous?  What happens when we are not courageous?
• Praying the Akathist Hymn to St. Michael the Archangel on Friday.
• Watching How to Train Your Dragon for a movie night on Friday. 
• Just for Mom.

How to Get Your Life Together In a Day

Sometimes I make things so complicated, and truly that is unnecessary.  I realize there are circumstances that require extreme measures, but my life is not one of them.  Why do I get so stressed and anxious...wound up like an eight day clock?  I suspect it is because I am tired, just plain tired.  Being tired is not a sign that my life is falling apart.  Maybe it is a sign that my life is good, that I have a full and wonderful life...so much to be thankful for.

However, when things start piling up, pressing in, and coming undone I know it is time to do something different, settle in and refocus...just tweak things a bit.  There is no need for me to take a magic eraser to my whole life or to go through everything with a fine toothed comb.  Just a gentle redirection is all that is needed.  Gentle, but thorough.  You see, the bones are good, the underneath is still in tact, the anchor is what holds this ship in times of crazy schedules and busy days.  In times past I would begin a complete overhaul when I felt this way, but I have learned that extreme makeovers are most often the acting out of obsessions.  You know...that running dialogue in your head that makes you feel thin and shaky, nervous and irritable.  We moms have to learn to be gentle, even with ourselves.  

A very dear friend asked me the other day if I believed that sometimes there are cases where a person who was once whole could now be broken, with no hope of being whole again.  I listened to the question and took my friend seriously. I told this friend that, yes, I think it is possible, and that she did not have to be whole.  As I have thought about our conversation I have come to the conclusion that we are all broken in some way, and that it is most likely that we always will be.  Being whole is not about being completely put together...there is a reason that all the King's horses and all the King's men could not put Humpty together again.  Life comes down on us, it presses us, it breaks us, and we fall apart.  Once we have been broken there is no way to be whole again...not the kind of whole that we desire.  Being whole often times means we do not want to suffer this life and its trials, we long for naivety and simplicity.  But, those who get out in the world and bare burdens, get hands dirty, work hard, walk with damaged people, befriend the unfriendly, and try to be a part of the world will always be broken..it is inevitable.  The only way I ever imagine that I can avoid this is by shutting the world and people out.  In the end, I would rather be broken.

And this can apply to practical areas of my life as well.  If I desire to be out in the world living and learning with my kids, if I value relationship over everything else, if I put people on the top of my priority list, well then other things suffer...my house, my laundry, my body, my put togetherness.  I always feel that my life is a little undone, a little unkept.  But, in a way this is intentional.  I have chosen other things, to me they are more important things.  When criticisms come, and they will, I must be prepared to OWN my own life and choices.  I must be rooted and grounded in my heart.  I must also be willing to be honest, truthful with myself most of all.  This is the way that I face my life head on and how I deal with brokenness.

Today, as I was dealing with all of the emotions and stress that obsessions cause I waited for the panic to pass.  I got still and a wonderful thought came to me.  It does not take much to Get Your Life Together, Mandy.  In fact I am confident that it only takes one day of gentle internal work to feel better. This is because I am not expecting too much from myself or anyone around me...we are all broken. It is easy to be gentle when I recognize this.  Here are a few things I am doing today to regain a sense of confidence and beauty...how I am getting it together.

I Am...

• Recognizing the dialogue in my head.  I am not trying to change it, just being aware of the Editor in Chief, the voice that keeps bossing me around, criticizing me.
• Writing this post to share my thoughts, getting them out in the open.
• Talking to my mom on the phone and enjoying our friendship.
• Putting on a fresh face and a nice outfit.
• Planning a trip to the pumpkin patch near our house.
• Lighting candles.
• Letting my kids be tired as well, we have been very busy.  No drill sergeant barking or correction.  
• Taking a survey of my pantry and planning the meals I want to cook this week.
• Doing a few loads of laundry.
• Taking care of a speeding ticket that I got a few months back.  I made it through my probation period, and a big stress is off. 
• Opening windows and doors to let the cool fresh breeze in.
• Drinking Ceylon Tea..a new favorite and a wonderful gift from my husband.
• Being quiet and just doing the next thing...gently walking through this house...room by room... accepting and being very thankful.
• Praying the prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner." Over, and over again.
• Accepting the financial stresses of a large family lifestyle and owning my spending choices.
• Letting my kids be who they are...not requiring that they be caught up, on target, or ahead. 
• Washing dishes in warm soapy water.
• Listening to sounds...a lawn mower, Mockingbirds, eggs boiling on the stove.  Just listen.
• Smelling the things cooking, the fresh autumn air, Samuel's little head, Elinor's sweaty puppy dog yumminess, out of the dryer laundry.
• Waiting for my husband to come home so I can give him a hug.

This is what my day is shaping up to be...a wonderful day, a blessed day, another day to be a mom, wife, daughter, friend. 

   

Liturgical Life: August & September

August & September

August and September were full months indeed!  Baby Samuel was born on the 13th of August, and afterwards I observed my forty days of rest and healing.  Father Gregory came to the hospital to give a blessing after birth, and it was nice to have him there.  We had a small brunch at our house for Samuel's eighth day naming, and Father Gregory came to our house for the first time.  We really enjoyed having him here and praying at our altar.  My churching took place at St. Arsenius hermitage.  As the end of the Church year approached I felt somewhat disconnected, until the Feast of the Dormition.  We did not do anything special as far as services.  The Feast of the Dormition of the Theotokos was two days after Samuel was born.  It was a wonderful way to end my pregnancy.  Samuel's name day was on the 20th of August, and we celebrated with a kiss and a blessing.  I was just not well enough to do anything more.

The beginning of the Church year, September 1, did not feel like a beginning to me.  I was still recovering, and the quiet of this house felt good and healing.  My brother Joshua's name day falls on the same day.  We called him and said special prayers for him that night.  My husband is his Godfather.  I spent part of the day observing and praying before the Nativity of the Theotokos icon on September 8.  It meant more to me this year than in year's past.  On September 14 we sang our Elevation of the Holy Cross song and studied the icon.  Sophia's name day was on the 17th and we took her out to eat Asian food, her favorite.  We talked about St. Sophia, a favorite in our family.

What we are reading:
The story of Saint Sophia.

Special Prayers:
Prayers for the beginning of the Church year and the school year.

Special services:
Blessing after birth.
Eighth day naming.
40 day churching.

Special Projects:
We gave the plant shed a makeover.  We turned it into a little schoolroom for Addy and Caroline.  We bought an air-conditioner and new laptops for the online classes.
Beginning school year - September 9  

A Few Weekly Finds

On the Web...

100 Days of Real Food
I enjoyed perusing this website.  Although I may not always buy organic, and I do not stress about that much, I do like cooking real food. This website offers simple ideas and a few free meal plans.  I like simple.  I plan to use some of the recipes from here to plan my menu for next week.

T- Tapp
I recently saw this workout on a website I visit frequently.  The author of the blog struggles with sever Diastasis Recti, and she has found ways to put her body back together after seven pregnancies.  I also have this condition, although not as severe, and I am looking for ways to strengthen my abdomen and put my organs back in place.

I bought the Basic Workout Plus during a Deep Discounted Tuesday at half price.  It is a fifteen minute workout that promises to put my organs in place.  I hope it works.  My week has been crazy, and I have not started it yet.(I guess I could be doing the workout instead of blogging...couldn't I?) I plan to start this weekend when I have a little more time to myself.

Heritage History
This site is wonderful..it even has many stories you can read for free!  I have used it to supplement Caroline's history.  Take some time to explore this site.  The prices are reasonable as well!

At the Library  

This little picture book is perfect for a quiet time with a wee little.

Pond Babies by Cathryn Falwell 
As you can see, we have babies on the mind around here.

Baby-Led Breastfeeding 
You would think that by now I would be an expert at nursing...but I am not.  I do ok, but I have been struggling in the evening with frequent feedings and not producing enough during this batch feeding.  I picked this book up, and I have found many helpful reminders and some new things to try.  Yesterday afternoon I relaxed as I laid down with Samuel, tried new nursing positions, and enjoyed some skin to skin snuggle time as well.  Nursing is wonderful when I relax!



  A morning spent at the park and library after an orthodontist visit was just what we needed after an intense first three weeks of school.  My older girls are loving their online classes, but getting back into the school groove after a long summer has not been without its moments of drama. I cannot believe that September is almost come and gone!